Samantha Biggers
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My husband and I built our own house, raised and butchered pigs, chickens, cattle, sewed clothes, made quilts, and a lot of other things over the years. We make sure to have medical supplies and can a lot of food. My writing has been in quite a few magazines read by preppers and homesteaders.
I know how to can anything you want to put back and I can tan a hide. We live on nearly 11 acres. I say all these things not to brag but rather to show how others get the impression that I am in a position to get them out of a bad situation.
Even when we were living in a 1970s travel trailer in 2008 with no bathroom and struggled to keep it 60 degrees in the winter while raising pastured pigs and a few chickens and cattle, I had people jokingly say “Well, if anything happens I am coming to stay with you.”
“No, you’re not.”
Harsh, but it is rude for the unprepared to think they can just head out to my place if something happens. There is no way for us to support that many people in a long term emergency.
What bugs me the most about some people saying this is that they are often those that don’t even visit me or talk to me on anything that resembles a regular basis. We have spent a lot of time and energy to have what we have.
Our 20s were not full of festivities and going out on the weekends but as a result we are more prepared at 34 but there is no way to help everyone that needs it in a crisis.
Sometimes it is someone I haven’t seen in more than a decade. Sorry, but if you are not involved with my life now or care enough to hang out once in awhile then why should I put faith and trust in you in a major situation and also provide supplies?
Major family members come first and even if I had extra supplies they would go to those with useful skills that could contribute positively to the situation. Not just anyone.
This is a tough situation to have an answer for. Sure I think that it is good to help people but at the same time you cannot give everything away or take care of everyone. After much deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that there are some things that need said to those that say they are going to rely on you during an emergency.
“Can you actually make it to my place?”
Unless you live really close then there is a good chance that you are not going to be able to reach another property. A lot of the people that say they are going to come find me in a SHTF situation would simply not be able to make it the distance they would need to.
Commuting 50 miles in a car is one thing but if it is dangerous times then 50 miles might as well be on the moon. Also most are not prepared to walk that far in a short period of time. It is not politically correct to talk about weight and body size but it is important to being prepared so I am going to anyway.
I grew up in the 80s and 90s when the only time you saw someone using a ride on cart in a store it was because they were very old or disabled. Now, people do it just because they don’t want to walk or exercise.
Americans as a whole are not in the greatest physical condition. Saying you are going to hit the bush with your bug out bag or next to nothing is a lot different than actually doing it. When I was 24 in 2007, I could not walk up the hill to our property without catching my breath.
Being in good enough shape to walk a 15 mile day with a pack weighing 20+lbs or even with 10 lbs is not actually something I feel most people are up to. Plenty of people don’t even have the right footwear to be on their feet and moving for any major length of time.
While you don’t want to point out to your friend that they are lacking fitness, you can point out physical limits in a more polite way like asking them if they are prepared to walk a long distance in an emergency. They will put it together from there if they have much sense.
Getting in better physical shape is something that should be emphasized more in prepping. It is easy to think you are in better shape than you are. We have people sometimes want to spend a day out on our farm working and they honestly expect to go out there and do the same level of activity as we do.
No one starts at the top. It takes time to get into shape and too many people get impatient and just give up. If you want to be able to actually bug out then you need to make sure you can hike a bit with a pack.
I realize that there are the elderly and disabled to think about as well. These folks need to be prepared to shelter in place or have someone near them that can help out. In a major emergency or collapse, driving somewhere might not be an option.
If you are worried about things, then start prepping.
When someone says I am coming to your place and have done nothing to prepare themselves it is like telling you “I am not going to sacrifice now, but I am more than willing to take from you later”. Some people may not quite realize what they are saying exactly but the reality is that they are prepared to mooch off your prepping now.
The best thing you can do is tell the person that there are a lot of things that they can do to be more prepared. Relying on you is not going to help them if you live a long ways apart especially and you cannot plan for everyone.
Help guide them towards getting started with prepping activities. A lot of people don’t realize how much investing $20 or less here and there in extra supplies can help.
There are countless small steps that can get someone started. Instead of just saying “Don’t rely in me!” offer to open their eyes to the world of prepping! If someone doesn’t take you serious then that is their problem. At least you were honest and tried.
Tell them you simply don’t have enough to take on anyone else if the point of coming to your house is pushed
You really need to be firm with others that you don’t put back enough for others, that is is work and money enough to take care of your own needs and those of your family. People make a lot of assumptions about how much you have based on the outsider looking in approach.
Encourage people to put back food and have a good water filter or two. Food and water are the most scarce resources in a true emergency and while filtering some water to help someone out is one thing, putting back enough food to take on refugees is not realistic.
Maybe you might have enough for one person but when you have a lot of people acting like you are their back up plan in a SHTF situation it is easy to see how you might be in a situation of having to turn a lot of people away and the drama and escalation that could result from this.
It is best to discourage and say no right now and decrease the odds of others showing up.
Encourage these people to develop useful skills
Did you know how many people in their 20s and 30s don’t know how to even cook a basic meal? It is astounding the lack of basic skills due to being raised in a consumer based society.
I remember in my 20s that my boss was amazed that I cooked at all. I was shocked enough to say “Well, yeah – we got to eat!”.
Learning useful skills can save time and money within your household and make you a more prepared person if you cannot rely on all the goods and services you are privy to at the moment.
Youtube has a ton of videos that can show you how to do stuff so it is not like you have to take the time to go take classes for some skills. Here are some examples of skills you can encourage others to do to be more prepared. A few of these may require help from a friend to learn (hey that might be you in this case!) or an inexpensive short class.
- Sewing
- Cooking
- Butchering
- Gun Repair & Shooting Skills For Hunting
- Firewood splitting
- Canning, Drying, and Other Food Preservation
- CPR & First Aid
If you ever do find yourself in a SHTF situation then if someone does have extra supplies and resources so they can take in a refugee even for a short time period, having useful skills is going to put you in a better position when they are picking and choosing who to accept into their group.
Suggest they consider the other members of their family and the overall needs
When someone says they are coming to my place they are usually not just talking about bringing themselves. Sometimes it is a spouse and a few kids. So wait a minute? I am supposed to say “Oh alright just bring everyone.”
As much as I love kids, let’s be honest in a crisis situation they are mostly consumers. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of small tasks kids can do but they are more vulnerable and simply not as strong and lack a lot of the major skills that are useful.
There is no way I can take on a lot of people that are not putting something back into the situation even if I have a bit extra. If someone has kids then they have even more reason to prep for their own family and be prepared enough to give kids the attention and resources they need to get through a bad situation.
Consider lying and say you are bugging out and not sheltering in place
I don’t like to tell people to lie but when the survival and safety of you and your family are at play, it might be something you should consider.
Telling those that want to use you as their go to place in SHTF that you are bugging out if things get bad rather than sheltering in place can help put the idea out of their head. You can also add in that your reason for this is that you are concerned about too many roving bands and refugees so you feel you are better off.
Of course someone might try to come anyway but they also might just remember that there would be nothing for them there if they did and you would not be there to help them in other areas of survival.
A Very Hard Subject
This was a difficult and harsh post for me to write. It is good to try to help others and I don’t want to see others suffer but one of the things that my Vietnam veteran father taught me is that sometimes you have to put aside the warm and fuzzy feelings and survive.
Jungle warfare was hell and the army couldn’t get through to his platoon for 5 days once. He almost starved and had to eat and drink some pretty terrible things while walking out of the jungle.
Major situations make it necessary to make some tough decisions and considering how you will deal with them before they happen is a critical part of prepping.
I am sorry if this article has been too crude and offensive for some but I feel that the reality is that too many people think they can take from others or rely on them while doing little or nothing now during good times.
About the Author: Samantha Biggers lives on the side of a mountain in North Carolina with her husband and pack of loyal hounds in a house her husband and she built themselves. When not writing she is working in their vineyard, raising Shetland sheep, or helping her husband with whatever the farm and vineyard can throw at them.
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54 Responses to “How To Deal When Someone Says “If Anything Happens, I’m Coming To Your House””
I prep extra food for my neighbor, they don’t know and don’t need to. For a retired couple there very self sufficient. And there 12 acres borders my 5 on multiple sides like a buffer zone. Not having family here I would take in a family if things felt right. It’s very hard to maintain the homestead as it is. Let alone security. It’s much cheaper for me to buy extra food than to have my house raided because there’s only my wife and I plus the kids. (To young to help). So far no one I don’t want here has said there coming. Probably because I don’t talk about it to more than a handful of people.
You were not to harsh in your writing, reading the comments I feel a lot of people live in tighter quarters so it may be harder to hide your prepping. For those I say move when you can. I’m close enough to have a high paying job but a days walk away.
Actually, you’re being a bit too nice. If someone says that to me, and it hasn’t happened yet, I would say; “Bring enough food, water and other supplies to survive while you’re here.”
Excellent article. Thank you for writing it.
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This fella is as serious as a heart attack about the subject … He and his brother have been dealing with the issue and consulting on it for bucks up people for something like 30 years now.
If it’s REALLY SHTF, then nothing in your life will ever be the same again. This includes your friendship/relationship with the folks who want to move in with you. So, just get tough! It doesn’t matter anymore! Your kids will never again play with their kids. You will not be a bridesmaid when she gets married. Her brother won’t meet up with your younger sister and get married. So, First, DON’T OPEN THE DOOR! (if you do, they will send one of the kids inside to tangle up your legs while they push in the door and take over your house and all your stuff! If you let them in, THEY WILL NOT EVER LEAVE! (But you will because they will put you outside!)
Further, if you let them in, they will overpower you and take over – especially if they have been living on the road for a week (you see, they know the new “real world” from first-hand experience)! Talk to them through the door. Tell them to go a mile down the road to the green-and-yellow house, knock four times and say that “Ed sent me”. (of course there is no such house). Tell them that your kids just came down with smallpox. Tell them that your grandmother just died in the room that they would occupy if you let them in. Tell them that the door is nailed shut. TELL THEM ANYTHING TO MAKE THEM GO AWAY! But – DON’T OPEN THAT DOOR BECAUSE YOU WILL REGRET IT FOR THE REMAINDER OF YOUR SHORT LIFETIME! If they say that they will “burn you out”, then immediately order them off your property. If they won’t leave, then tell them that you will open the door with your shotgun and begin to shoot them, beginning with the kids. If they light a fire, then shoot them – all of them. Now, let’s look at the bright side. They’ve come a long ways from somewhere, and they’ve got to find shelter and food and water soon. If they hang around and you do not feed them, they will go away within one or two days – they can see that you are a “dead end”. Once they are gone, within a week you can expect organized gangs. Shoot them down without mercy. You must be ruthless!
Do you want to survive in that world? Look at Houston where people are helping each other, protecting their neighborhoods from looters. Can we hope for a little kindness from those we know?
Linda, wiseman is correct, in a total SHTF situation, there is no three or four days the good guys will show up with a wal mart truck to give away. You will end up a serf if you do not thin differently.
A couple of years ago our home was flooded during a hurricane. As a consequence, the lower half of the first floor had to be completely removed and replaced. There was a huge pile of wall board, carpet, ruined furniture, etc. that had to be removed, in our front yard for several weeks. Even though it was obvious that we had had serious damage, NOT ONE of our neighbors (who had not had flooding) offered sympathy or help in any way. We don’t live in that state anymore, and don’t miss anything about it.
What bugs me the most is the people that say ‘If anything happens I’m coming to your house’ are generally the most unprepared people I know. I usually say things like: Sure, that would be great, then at least after a couple of weeks we can starve together. Don’t come after dark! Call first so I don’t accidently shoot you trying to climb over my fence. Bring all your supplies cause I don’t have any extras. Hope you have a plan and bug out bag to get here. Good luck, it’s a long walk from your place! Bring your tent cause you’re sleeping in the yard!
Don’t let people know just how prepared you are. If they get inquisitive give them vague answers.
Oh that’s a new gun, how many do you have now? ‘A few’ or ‘I traded most of my old ones for it.’
What are you doing with all this food? ‘Donating it to the homeless’ or ‘I hate shopping so I try to do it only once a month.’
You sure have a lot of gas cans. ‘You wouldn’t believe how fast you can go through it with mowers and chainsaws.’
It’s best if people don’t know what you have because when they have nothing they will remember you.
I used to give demonstrations on various types of safety packs people could make. Some as small as a shaving kit bag all the way up to a fishing vest. There always seemed to be a big guy say at the end, “I am bringing my family to your house if anything happens.” That is too scary. I used to put an emergency preparation suggestion in the church news every week. I would get the same reaction. Since I am disabled I stopped being public about it for my own safety. One thing I heard was unbelievable. One lady told me that she and her husband drank coffee for breakfast, both ate out for lunch and then she went to the store to buy dinner every night to make sure it was fresh. I asked her what would she do if her family had to shelter in for a week. “Oh, I would just go to the store and stock up.” Problem: no store would be open! They would only have coffee to brew or nothing if the grid was down. Amazing, laughable as well as sad.
There was heavy flooding in my city and many of my neighbours day don’t even try to help each other out. I Gabe cans, tea. Sugar, water yo quite a few explaining that this came from my own kitchen. They promised to replace the foodstuffs I gave them. Well 3 Yeats later I still waiting!! I am prepping always but not telling them. We have forecasts of bad weather coming and I ensuring that I will be OK. So are my adult kids. I have learned I need to be looking after myself. I see my neighbour get a can everyday to take him to and from the pub. Yet says he has no money. He has food delivered and the amountvof food containers he puts out have to be seen to be believed. Caught him putting his garbage in my non and then said he was only looking in it!! That is similar behaviour to other neighbours. So annoying. Have joined lots of Facebook pages for canning. Growing herbs and veg in pots and making progress. Found great pickle recipes in Scandinavian cookbooks.
I always say “Great! I always need more protein!” That usually gives them pause.
Love this response! Hope I remember to use it when the need arises.